How to Connect in Marriage

How to Connect in Marriage

As the candle light poured over our table and we stared at each other I wondered how I would be able to do what he asked. I was not sure I could do it. The overwhelming panic inside of me threatened to ruin our anniversary dinner, reservations he secured in an exclusive local restaurant. 

The only thought running through my mind was, “I can’t do this. There is no way I can do what he is asking.” Then my thoughts turned to, “Why should I have to? I am doing nothing wrong.” 

The spiral did not get prettier. I’ll spare you all the rest. Needless to say I felt as if I was drowning and had no way to resurface. All of these feelings because my husband told me I was spending a lot of time on my phone and he wanted me to cut back. 

Looking back I easily see why I felt the way I did and understand where he was coming from. In the moment I felt attacked and frustrated. Fortunately we were able to find a compromise, 1 night a week no phones for either one of us. 

4 years later it is still one of my favorite evenings each week. We really don’t do anything special. Last night I worked on a puzzle while he picked the tv show. But the time feels special and sacred because we carve it out each week for one another. 

It was not like that the first 6 months of date night. 3 kids in 3 years takes a toll on a marriage and I barely knew how to communicate with my husband outside of kid stuff. However, with consistent effort I learned new ways to connect to the man I had pledged my life to. 

If this rings true, I encourage you to schedule time with your partner every single week. Whether it’s an hour or an entire evening, block the time as you would a medical appointment. Around here it takes 3 months to see the optometrist; therefore, nothing gets in the way of that time on the day of the event. 

Treat yourself, marriage, and future the same way. Do not expect it to be easy, ever. It is a commitment to regularly show up in any part of your life, especially one of the. most vulnerable areas. 

Want support in making this happen? Join me in We Flourish Beyond Trauma – a safe space online to receive encouragement as we navigate life after trauma. 



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